Grief: Will it ever end? (TW: Sarcastic Flare)
- Olivia Bonanno
- Dec 8, 2023
- 2 min read
Updated: Dec 27, 2023
Spoiler alert: the answer is no. However, it does change over time.
As the Apple TV Show, Shrinking, describes it: “grief’s a crafty little fucker.”
It’s the interloper waiting to jump your emotions when you don’t continuously keep yourself busy.
Some days, grief dresses up in a suit and tie showing up initially as feeling “just a little down”, only to uncover it's really the Stage of Anger, after you don’t make it through a green light. Just one more thing that isn’t just in the world.
So what do we do with grief and how do we get rid of it? Sadly, we can’t put it on a burning boat and watch it leave us forever (though our broken heart may feel like that on repeat).
As Robert Frost describes human suffering, so we will too, grief: “The only way out is through.”
We can better support ourselves in healing if we are able to take the fight out against our own emotions. Accept what we are feeling- without judgment and without a “will be healed by X time” mindset.
Feel what you feel, and know what you need to support yourself when you feel it.
If you feel in shock, deep sadness, heartache: cry. Don’t wipe your noise. Sob until your body can’t sob any more. Tell your family to go for a walk so you can wail in your closet in the dark.
If you are angry that you are alone, heartbroken, confused: yell. Yell into a pillow. Beat the crap out of an old blanket. Tear a rip down the middle of an old towel. Run in the rain (and maybe cry then too).
If you need to mentally check out from the situation: do it. Go shopping. Get your nails done. Grab a beer with a friend for the game. Write a blog post on grief to intellectualize your feelings. Be gentle with yourself and get out of your head for a while.
Take the fight out against the emotions- whatever they may be. Find a counselor, grief support group or someone who will “get it.” Spend time with your emotions to learn what you need to support them- not invalidate, suppress or reject them.
The only way out is through. It won’t be pretty, and that’s when you know you are doing it right. It will get (a little) easier, (slowly) over time, the less we fight the process of getting there.
In the meantime, know my heart is with yours and that you are not as alone as our sneaky friend wants you to feel.
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About the Author:
Olivia is a board-certified Psychiatric Mental Health Nurse Practitioner and is Perinatal Mental Health Certified through Postpartum Support International. She has a huge passion for maternal mental health. She has experience working as a mother infant nurse and providing psychiatric treatment to those in all stages of the perinatal journey. Olivia believes every mother should be educated on how to care for their mental health before, during and after pregnancy. She believes "Mommy's Mental Health" is a movement; one that calls attention to the physical and emotional struggles mothers go through and one that opens the door to conversations with families and friends.
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